Poop Splash Maximizer/Minimizer Graph

I note the topical interest in minimizing poop splash and have thus included a graph of Poop Momentum vs Length of Poop. Essentially, you'd want to make L longer or shorter than 2/3D. Everything else being equal, it pays to make L longer since momentum decreases more sharply on this side of the curve. For the purposes of this graph, D = 20cm.

Optimizing poop splash

I was taking a poop this afternoon and was revisited by an old problem. You are seated on a crapper with a constant anal sphincter to water-line distance D. The greater the length (L) of poop extruded before sphincter-executed release,  the lesser the distance (D-L) for acceleration but the greater the mass of poop available for making a splash. What is the poop length L at which maximum splash is achieved?

Larger poop momentum (MV) will result in more splash. Find L for maximum MV.

D = Distance from anal sphincter to water-line
L = Length of poop column
A = Cross-sectional density of poop
M = AL = mass of poop
V = Velocity of poop hitting water

From newton's equations

V^2 = U^2 + 2A(D-L) (where U = 0 and A = 10)
V^2 = 20(D-L)
V = Sqrt[20(D-L)]

MV = AL * Sqrt[20(D-L)]

dMV/dL = -10AL*(20D-20L)^(-1/2) + A(20D-20L)^(1/2)

If dMV/dL = 0,

L = 2/3 D

Conclusion: To maximize splash, release poop two-thirds of the way to the water-line. 

Do you like lab toys. I like lab toys. Here are some that have arrived since I last posted pics. 

This is an anaerobic chamber (my foot included for scale). When in operation, the internal atmosphere will be devoid of oxygen to allow for the growth of strictly anaerobic organisms. How is that possible you ask?

A gas mixture containing 5% hydrogen is introduced into the chamber following which the device below (essentially a fan blowing vertically upwards) will pass air through an aluminium canister containing palladium. Palladium catalyzes the reaction of hydrogen with oxygen to form water vapor, thus removing oxygen within the chamber.

To keep the reaction favorable, the canisters below contain desiccant to remove water vapor from the air. You can get oxygen tensions from 20% (in the air we breathe) to 1-3% quite easily.

Nikon TS-100 microscope for tissue culture.

Rotary evaporator for organic chemistry. This device uses vacuum and heating to draw organic solvents out of a sample into the gaseous phase. A chiller circulates cold liquid through the condenser glassware at the top, causing the organic solvent to condense and collect in the large round bottom flask (bottom left). This can be emptied as needed.

This is the chiller which feeds cold liquid into the condensing glassware of the rotary evaporator.

Ultrasonic water bath. Good for cleaning jewelry. Also good for dispersing colloidal suspensions.

Large 4 degrees refrigerator. Extra awesomeness points for the brand being 'Yoda'.

PCR machine from Biorad. If you don't know what PCR is, go educate yourself here.

UV transilluminator for visualizing and cutting bands out of DNA gels for DNA purification. Not to be used as Disco Black Light!

One of our biorad gel rigs for gel electrophoresis.

Maryland 3

My favorite signage from WH's lab bench. As you can tell, he is very religious.

Maryland 2

Here are some pics of vegetation out in Finksburg, Maryland. 

The deer have had a field day with the shrubs. You can see how high they are able to reach. In time, they will become a new type of giraffe.

I planted some american ginseng (Panax quinquefolius) in the woods last fall. This may or may not be an early shoot. It is hard to tell right now. Ginseng will bear red berries later in the year. Here is a website with some information on ginseng. 

This is our planting box which fed us last year with tomatos, herbs, chillis, onions, carrots and other delicious veggies. I have left a lone brusselsprout plant which reseeded itself this year. In the rest of the space, I have seeded buckwheat and red clover as a cover crop.

Here are some dead Thistle. Thistle is not our friend and must die.

Here is a periwinkle plant (the one with the purple flowers, not the thistle beside, which must die). Periwinkle is the original source of vincristine, a microtubule destabilizing agent causing mitotic arrest that is used in cancer treatment.

A bed of red clover planted last year which seems to be taking well. Grow well young padwans. The time will soon come when you must battle the thistle army.

A stand of chives planted last year which seem to be faring well.

Our maple tree, which seems to have survived the car which crashed into it last year, ripping half the bark off. A little duct tape, some nails and voila, the tree seems to have survived the trauma. In the foreground are the characteristic samaras (winged seeds). The driver of the car did a hit and run but unwittingly left amongst his car debris, a metal tag with his VIN number on it. Epic Fail.

Maryland 1

My spot in the KV lab has already been put to good use by YQ. I hope there is method to his madness.

Here is a piece of fascia that got torn off our roof during the tornado.

WH hid a dozen of these unicorns in our house. I worry for his sanity. Here's one which I have hung up in our garage.

Just got back from the US

D and I were in the United States for the past 2 weeks. My lack of posting were for two reasons. First, our well pump in Finksburg broke down, meaning that we had no water for several days. Second, the tornado that recently passed through the area had done damage to our house. Not serious damage, but stuff that had to be fixed nonetheless. In the next few posts are belated pics from Maryland.